Value? Goals?

I had a book club meeting at my house last night and we spent some time talking about what our goals were when we were in high school versus what they are now and what we consider to be value in our life. Hmmmm. I remember in my year book writing that I was going to be a "paralegal in a large law firm". So, I've been there, done that....does that mean I have accomplished my goal? Are there more goals to be accomplished, have they changed?

We had a wonderful summer, the kids and I. Really, I can't complain at all. A part of me feels like I deserve it damn it! Another part of me feels like now that things are going well with Alex that I should move on and reclaim those "goals".

What are those goals? Do I have any? Are my kids' still the main goal to focus on? Should I go back to work? Do I have an identity now that they are becoming less dependent on me?

Lots of questions. Not sure of the answers right now. I feel a little guilt even thinking that I should be focusing on myself. Some mothers of Autistic children (and other children with disabilities) don't ever get the opportunity to ask the question of whether they should focus on their goals because their lives are so taken up by their children. I should feel lucky but am having a hard time with even those thoughts. I know that when I was in high school and later when I got married, I never thought that my goal/plan would include having an Autistic child. I almost feel like that has put my goals/life on hold when really it has just taken it in a different path for a season.

Now, what is value? When I think back to all the "earning" potential that was lost by staying home almost 9 years with my children - WOW! That sure is a lot of money. Now, I know most of that would have went to child care, clothes for work, other work expenses, but that still seems like a lot of "value" lost. The big BUT here is the value of my son and the growth he made during the time I was able to be home with him. There is no monetary value I can place on that. Hearing people say "he's Autistic?" puts the priceless exclamation on that!!

I hope to keep focusing on that over these next few months while I try to come to terms with where I/we have been over the last 9 years.

Is there a new season approaching?